My girlfriend got drunk and said she’s been not eating so she can be petite like the girls I masturbate to. I’m not sure if she even remembers telling me but don’t know how to bring it up.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years – classic college sweetheart romance. I love her and if she believed in marriage I’d put a ring on her in an instant. However, due to some trauma from her childhood and her parents’ rough marriage she doesn’t believe in it. Fine with me and we’ve resolved to build our lives together regardless.
We’ve lived together for 3 years now and due to our sleep schedules we don’t fall asleep at the same time. It’s never been a problem for us and she’s said she falls asleep better having the bed to herself anyway.
We cuddle together every night though before I get up to play some games or watch TV in our living room. Our sex life is amazing and I genuinely think she’s incredibly sexy.
However, I still like to masturbate late at night because it’s fun and a good stress reliever. The things I look at are just porn to me and have no bearing on how I feel about her. Just porn.
Anyway, getting down to the crux of the problem, we were having a good time together last night and we’re having some drinks and playing games together. We both got a little wasted (we’re both off work due to COVID) and she told me while she was drunk that she’s been purposefully not eating to look more like the girls I masturbate to.
She said they were all petite girls and looked nothing like her. Now, that’s true, but I love my girlfriend’s curves and think she’s incredibly sexy. I was shocked but also drunk and didn’t know how to address it beyond telling her I think she’s gorgeous no matter what.
I had no idea she had even caught me masturbating but must-have in the past. I do save pictures of other women on my computer but purely as a “spank bank” situation.
She HAS been losing weight and was overweight before so she’s been getting down to a healthy weight. I assumed she’s been doing it through diet and exercise but because of our different sleep schedule we only ever had dinner together and apparently that’s all she’s been eating while doing daily workouts. I’m devastated that she thinks she had to change for me and also don’t know how to bring it up to her and not sure if she even remembers telling me that.
What can I do to address this in a healthy way and also get her some help without her shutting down on me?
So, you definitely should bring it up, whether she remembers it or not, her starving herself trying to please you is not healthy or safe, as many people have pointed out. This is definitely more of a therapy subject, and if you’re open to it, I would suggest couples therapy. Went through something similar and it helped a lot.
Second, you really should think about what porn and your “spank bank” is doing to your relationship, and consider the fact that it obviously upset your girlfriend to the point of starting an eating disorder.
Seeing girls that look nothing like her, even if you do love the way she looks, messed with her head and her self esteem. I’ve been in her shoes and handled it much worse, but I would really look up how porn affects relationships and to consider talking about that in therapy too so you’re getting the info from a trusted source.
It’s really not healthy, even though it’s normalized in today’s society, especially if you’ve started keeping a collection…I know that’s a little harsh, but still.
If the two of you can sit down and have an honest convo that will lead to a solution you’re both happy with, and she starts eating healthy and exercising and losing weight the right way (for herself, not to look like porn stars) couples therapy might not be needed, but it’s a safe place to get your feelings out and might be what you both need.